I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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