I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
handjob tips. give me some.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
