God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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