the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
