and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My pussy is not your playground.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize