he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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