I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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