I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
