Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize