She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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