The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
