You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
