You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
