There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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