I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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