are you still at the devil's house?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
babies were throwing up all over the place
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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