Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
