she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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