ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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