Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
