Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
