final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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