dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish I only lived at night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
