ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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