I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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