Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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