I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
