genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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