That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
