I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
