I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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