every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
