Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
