Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize