Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
