omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
