It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
