I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His hands were made for my vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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