Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
