I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
sex in a hospital.. check
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
