he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
People in love make me want to vomit
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have tasted many bathrooms
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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