he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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