Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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