The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
