i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
