I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
