Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
