Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
