just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
