my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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