If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
