If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
