We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
