plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
