Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She bit a glass in half.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
