it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
