Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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