yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
