My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
