He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
