i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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