But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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