I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
