hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
