I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Of course I have a pirate flag
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Two words: blizzard sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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