U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
