How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
