So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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