I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
