the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
