i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
