i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
