I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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