I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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